I’ve spent the last three weeks procrastinating about writing this blog entry. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I did not know how to say it. By reading previous entries, you might notice I basically write for myself. This is the first time in which I actually write for you with an understandable language, without thinking to much, but writing what comes to my mind.
A year and a half ago, I decided to stop creating fashion images. For a long time, in my country Nicaragua, I was known for photographing beauty queens and for working with local designers. It all sounds very charming, but the reality is I was not entirely happy. Do not take me wrong, as I stated it in an earlier post, the problem was not them but me. I felt my art led me to an empty place, but instead I was photographing beauty for the sake of vanity.
One day I decided to do something that for many was considered drastic. I deleted 95% of my instagram photos. These images did not speak to me and I thus did not identify myself with them. They were designed with the sole purpose of satisfying others’ tastes. At this point, my male photography, which I kept secret for long, had already taken center stage in my life. I decided to reveal this new passion to the world, which allowed me to experience self satisfaction for the first time. My art and I had something to say. As it is expected, viewers took this change in very different ways. I will not go into detail about the criticism, but I will simply say that it is very difficult to satisfy everyone, which is why I focused on satisfying the only critic with whom I have to deal 24/7: Myself.
A few months ago, I found the need to apply everything learned with my male art in my fashion photography. I said to myself: if you are going to create fashion images, you got to give it your own twist. One night, at a family dinner, where we celebrated my birthday, I met Marcela, this entry’s main character. I promised myself I would not focus this writting on her vitiligo, which is a condition that causes her skin to lose melanin and therefore pigmentation. However, it is difficult not to bring it to the table as it was the very first feature that caught my attention. I remember seeing her and telling my parents: There’s a beautiful girl sitting behind you and I cannot take my eyes off her. My dad told me: Do you want me to come and talk to her? I did not let him! I decided to do it. I introduced myself to her, to her aunt and grandmother, and with nerves taking over my body, I asked her if she would like to be photographed by me. She said yes! Her unique beauty inspired me, and taught me I personally can use fashion to create life messages. Currently, I do not consider myself a fashion photographer, a pageant photographer or male nude photographer. Today I am simply a human being with a strong need of using my camera to translate into images what for long was trapped in my mind. Marcela symbolizes the last chance I gave to fashion photography… she became my last breath.